ask-the-flesh-thief:

j0ye:

OKAY SO I’M GONNA DROP A STORY ON Y’ALL 

MY FOLLOWERS KNOW THAT I’M PRETTY UNIQUE LOOKING

I HAVE A GNARLY UNDERCUT, A SHORT HAIRCUT, AND AS OF YESTERDAY MY HAIR IS BRIGHT PURPLE, AND I TEND TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE ALL-BLACK-SHORT-SKIRTS-THIGH-HIGHS-INTIMIDATING-HEAD-BITCH-IN-CHARGE VARIETY

MY FOLLOWERS ALSO KNOW THAT I HAVE A RAD LITTLE THREE-YEAR-OLD SON NAMED OLIVER WHO IS MY WORLD

ONE DAY, OLIVER AND I WERE AT THE STORE, AND WE WERE WALKING PAST THE CEREAL, SINGING A SONG TOGETHER AND OVERALL JUST BEING CUTE BECAUSE WE’RE FUCKING ADORABLE, AND THIS MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN WAS WALKING THE OTHER WAY WITH HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER. I’M USED TO PEOPLE STARING AT ME, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I WAS ROCKING BLUE HAIR AND A OUIJA BOARD SHIRT AND A HELLA CUTE VELVET MINISKIRT THIS SPECIFIC DAY, SO I IGNORED HER GLARING AT ME AND CONTINUED ON LOOKING AT THE PANDA PUFFS

THEN I STARTED HEARING HER MUTTER UNDER HER BREATH ABOUT ME, SAYING STUFF LIKE, “Irresponsible teen mom couldn’t keep her legs closed” AND, “Her son is going to be so messed up because she has absolutely no self-respect”

NORMALLY I JUST LET IT GO, BUT THAT DAY OLIVER AND I WERE SINGING THE SHINS SO I WAS IN A REALLY GOOD MOOD AND FELT CONFIDENT, SO I STOPPED MY CART AND SAID, “Excuse me, did you say something?”. SHE KINDA STARTED BLUSHING AND SAID NO, TO WHICH I REPLIED, “Well, it seems you kinda did say something. Something about me being irresponsible and not having respect for myself?” AND THIS WOMAN WAS BRIGHT RED AT THIS AND HER HUSBAND WAS JUST TRYNA HURRY HER ALONG AT THAT POINT BUT I HELLA WAS NOT GONNA LET HER GET AWAY WITH SHIT TALKING ME SO I SAID, “You know, I do respect myself. I have my hair like this because I respect myself enough to do it and have the confidence to pull it off, and I dress like this because I respect the fact that I have killer legs that I don’t want to hide just because some old crows glare at me over it. My self-respect has nothing to do with my parenting ability, but if it did, I’d say it’s been a positive correlation because my son is respectful of everyone and doesn’t judge people based on their appearances. He knows that people look how they do because that’s just how they want to look, and that’s how all three-year-olds are until they get to the age where they see the fact that their parents are scowling at a girl who has bright hair, or a boy who wears a skirt, and that’s the age where they become insufferable assholes like you.” AND LET ME JUST SAY THIS WOMAN’S JAW DROPPED FASTER THAN THE TRIX BOX SHE WAS HOLDING AS I FUCKIN SASHAYED OUT WITH MY PANDA PUFFS AND CARRIED ON SINGING~*~*~

//you’re my hero


posted 1 hour ago via onthefrits (© krl-vnzla) with 435990

pdlcomics:

New Lands


posted 1 hour ago via beclawse (© pdlcomics) with 8329

ashtoniws:

ottermatopoeia:

mattniskanenseyebrows:

OCTOBER IS NEXT WEEK

image

OCTOBER IS THIS WEEK
image

OCTOBER IS TOMORROW

image

moonfalora:

rexuality:

a person complaining about puns basically invites every pun enthusiast in the vicinity to come snapping rhythmically from the shadows 

image


posted 12 hours ago via yiffpirate (© rexuality) with 141451

hannibal-and-dory:

timedetective:

asgardiancherrypudding:

luminous-lu:

emeraldsd:

image

This is now my favorite post. Ever. 

never forget to wash the butt.

TRY ON A SMALL IT’LL BE FUNNY OMFG

Keep away from fire especially when wearing

shouldnt:

We’ve officially reached that annoying time of year where it’s sweater weather in the morning, but by midday you die from a heatstroke.


posted 1 day ago via spookyfinas (© shouldnt) with 181083

chitzybitch:

ridge:

me as a parent 

Flawless


posted 1 day ago via onthefrits (© ridge) with 198061

image


posted 1 day ago via onthefrits with 173056

posted 1 day ago via dragona15 (© best-of-memes) with 768

neatpotatoes:

me during the whole month of october 


posted 2 days ago via my-robot-prince (© vine.co) with 70606

posted 2 days ago via onthefrits (© pleatedjeans) with 12789

siphilemon:

princess-blitzscream:

pizzaismylifepizzaisking:

ultrafacts:

Source For more facts, Follow Ultrafacts

Capone prided himself as a man with style. If he ever killed someone himself, or one of his henchmen killed an important person, hundreds of dollars worth of flowers was sent to the funeral. In one fight between Capone’s men and another gang, an innocent woman was shot, not fatally, and required hospital treatment. Capone personally paid for all the hospital fees. He also would pay for all children’s hospital bills when he visited.

true gangsters


posted 2 days ago via onthefrits (© ultrafacts) with 76926

proteesiukkonen:

I Am a Bride

A short comic inspired by Finnish werewolf folklore in which it is many times the wedding couple and/or the entire wedding party that is bewitched to turn into wolves by a resentful guest or family member.

Sluthowell